JULY 2009

On this visit home, I spent many days with Mom at her nursing home.  It seems to me that it is better to stay with her in her own environment.  She was becoming a bit too agitated going out.  I think she is probably okay going out with Dad but if too many people are around it becomes quite overwhelming for her.

Anyway, on one particular day, I stood with Mom in front of a display case in her room.  In this case are pictures of her family and friends.   As I walked Mom through the display, telling her about the people in the pictures and what they mean to her, she held my hand.  She studied every picture, every face that stared back at her.  At one point she lifted the thumb of her other hand to her lips.  When I finished talking, she took her thumb out from her lips and used that hand to gesture up and down the front of the display case.  Then she stopped and turned to face me.  She spoke these words, “I know I should know all of this . . . all of these people.  But it has all vanished”.  The profoundness of the statement blew me away.  Her memories really have, vanished.

Still holding hands, we walked along the halls, quietly, with our “thoughts” to ourselves.
 

Blessings,

Heather
 

AUGUST 2009

  
I am still home and having a wonderful visit.  I spend part of each day with Mom.  Usually at noon so that I can help her eat her dinner or should I say make sure that she has her dinner.  She is so tiny, only about 100lbs.
 
We spend time walking and sitting in the sunroom or on the patio.   We are having beautiful weather so the happy feelings of being together are even lovelier.  We hold hands a lot.  It seems to hold some extra special importance to Mom. 
 
When I speak to Mom about our old times and times that she had growing up, she has no idea what I’m talking about.  It is the same as when I wrote last month about her saying that her memories had “vanished”.  My heart sinks.  But it is more than that.  To me it is as though she knows that I am speaking the truth to her and she knows that she should be remembering but nothing comes. She is empty of memories.  I think she is completely aware that her memory of these and other things is gone.  Nothing.   Absolutely nothing is there to even draw upon.   Not one thought to help remind herself.  And the fact that she is “aware” of this has really affected me.

 
What I did take comfort in is that she continues to want to hold my hand.  As though somehow she is drawing some support from me.  Somehow knowing that even though her memories have “vanished” . . . she is loved.  She feels love.

Blessings,

Heather
 

SEPTEMBER 2009

I have just returned from another trip “home”.  (Well, as they say . . . “home is where the heart is”.)   I have spent more time out of Calgary than in Calgary since June.  And even though it is hard at times, I am happy that I am able to be there for my parents.

On this trip, I stopped in Nova Scotia on my way back to visit my Mom’s sister.  (Some of you may remember from last year, that my Mom has only one sibling and that she lives in Nova Scotia, where my Mom is originally from and that I stopped there last year to visit too.)   We had a lovely visit.  It is so good to see her.  She is eighty-six now and doing very well.  It still amazes me that she is so sharp and that Mom couldn’t be more opposite. 

What a strange occurrence dementia is.  Why is it that it affects some in such extreme ways, like Alzheimer's?  And then for others it is very little or not at all. 

I met a very nice young lady this summer who is working on her Masters in Women’s Studies.  Her focus is “the current state of self with women living with Dementia”, and she is conducting her study at my Mom’s nursing home.  She has interviewed both my Dad and I, and has met with Mom on many occasions.  Her approach for the study is interesting and her purpose is remarkable.  I hope to share more of her journey with you over the next couple of months.

Why am I sharing this with you?  It is because I believe that research into Alzheimer's and Dementia is very important to all of us on many levels.  For me personally, I want to learn more about how I can best relate to Mom.  And thus keep our relationship strong even when the time comes that she does not even recognize me as “familiar”.  I also want to learn how to better protect myself from developing Dementia.
 

I believe everything happens for a reason.  Even when we don’t understand, or have a hard time accepting, why.

Blessings,

Heather