May - June, 2007
June 19
This week my Dad has a couple of meetings for organizations who take a break from their schedules for the summer months. Fortunately, he is still able to attend these meetings (without Mom) - he enjoys participating as he has for many, many years.
Dad is also able to do so because of a very special family friend and neighbour. This family friend (who I will call Mrs. M.) and her family have been friends with my Dad's family for three generations. Mrs. M is also friends with my Mom. They have known each other for almost fifty years. It started when my Mom moved to their city to begin her new life with my Dad and joined the church. Mrs. M and Mom were members of all the church groups and attended the meetings and functions. Mom still knows Mrs. M as they probably see each other at least twice a week. And as a result Dad can leave Mom in Mrs. M's care to attend meetings, etc.
This woman is extra special to me because she is also my mother-in-law. I am very grateful to her for the attention that she gives my parents and all of the reassurances that she gives me. She is a blessing.
Note for the week:
I started thinking about the word "blessing". We all know of it as a prayer or a grace or in praise. But upon looking in the dictionary, it is also described as a wish for success or happiness. So from now on I am going to sign off with "blessing" as it is my wish for all of you.
June 11
This week I received a call from my parents' homecare lady, Elizabeth. Apparently she had shown up for work that morning only to find my father completely exhausted and that nothing had been done in the house since she left two days earlier. Thankfully, she insisted that he go to his physician immediately. (She called the doctor's office herself to explain the situation, with the hope that they would take him straight away....and it worked!).
The doctor gave Dad a thorough examination. Dad was fine but it was realized that his medications had run out. And while not vital, it was important for him to get back on these medications as it had probably contributed to his fatigue. (Poor Dad, he was simply so preoccupied with caring for Mom that he didn't notice that he had not been taking his meds.)
The doctor spoke with Dad about how difficult it can be for the caregiver, in many ways more difficult than for the patient. He suggested to Dad to have Mom's name placed on a waiting list for a seniors' residence that offers third level care as soon as possible as it may take some time before she can get in.
Note for the week:
WE should all look out for the caregivers. They can always use a break. When I am at home, my favorite activity is to take Mom out for a drive and a coffee, or to run some errands with me. It gives Dad some time to get caught up on things or to just take a nap. I hope you all have an upbeat week.
June 4
While I was home visiting my parents, I helped my Dad to put in place some home-care to help ease the burden of responsibility that Dad has been coping with. He has been doing a great job on his own, but found that he was feeling quite tired and a bit overwhelmed lately. I arranged for two lovely ladies to come into their home on Monday, Wednesday and Friday of every week. The first shift was to run from 8:00 am to 2:00 pm, and the second shift from 2:00 pm to 8:00 pm. Their responsibilities were to assist with bathing and dressing, fix all three meals, do some light housekeeping and to occupy my Mom so that Dad could attend to his own business matters, run errands etc. and catch up on some rest.
Well, it lasted a week. They still have the morning lady coming, but only from 9:00 am to 1:00 pm on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
I worry about my Dad. I know he feels guilty. He believes that he should be the one to care for Mom. I also know the decisions facing him are huge and that he doesn't need to feel added pressure from me. Dad tells me that the support I give him means so much and that he doesn't know what he would do if he didn't have someone to lean on.
Note for the week:
Support the caregivers as they try to come to terms with the decisions that face them. The will not be easy decisions to make.
May 30
This week my Mom, Dad and I went to Nova Scotia to visit with my Mom's sister, her only sibling. Some would say that it was not a very good idea because it is disruptive to Mom's routine. But we felt it was necessary as my Aunt has been experiencing her own health problems and traveling for her would be out of the question. And this will quite likely be the last time the two sisters will see each other.Although it was difficult, it was well worth it. To see them holding hands and laughing while reminiscing over childhood memories was wonderful to say the least. Dad and I are feeling very grateful to have been able to assist in bringing them together.
Note for the week:
Is there a special time that you can help your spouse, parent, sibling or friend re-live? Trust me, it will do your heart good.
May 17
My Dad is discouraged this week. Mom is more confused than usual, and she is asking to go "home". She wants to see her Mom and Dad, and is fairly distressed when Dad gently tells her that this is her home and that her parents are in heaven. It is hard to watch your partner in life go through this, especially when there is nothing you can do to help ease the distress. It is no wonder that the caregiver can find him or herself discouraged. Still, Dad says that he finds some comfort when, every night after he tucks her into bed and tells her that he loves her, she gives him a big smile.
Note for the week:
Hang in there and look for the little joys in every day, because they are there.
May 10
This year I am fortunate enough to be spending Mother's Day with my Mom. My Mom lives on the east coast, so it is not every year that I get "home" to celebrate with her. My Mom has Alzheimer's disease. With every visit home, I am well aware that she only knows me as her daughter part of the time. In spite of that I know that making time to do special things still matters to both of us. So we will spend Mother's Day doing the things that she always enjoyed doing. Going to church, taking a walk along the river, having a good meal and watching slides of family trips and picnics from over the years, with the latter guaranteeing lots of laughs. And my Mom loves to laugh.I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's Day.