Some thoughts on the holdiays...
The holidays are always a stressful time, and this year probably more than ever.
Last year was our first Christmas with Mom in a nursing home. Dad and I really wanted Mom to be home with us. But it would have been too hard on her to spend the night and have the gift-opening in the morning. So we settled on having Mom for a visit in the afternoon, playing games, opening gifts and then a lovely turkey dinner (if I do say so myself!).
We kept it really low-key.
I did much of the preparation in the days leading up to the 25th so that I would not be going around like a crazy person on Christmas day. It really paid off.
In the morning, my mother-in-law played hostess for gift-opening and breakfast. And then we went home to work on final dinner preparations. About mid-afternoon, Dad picked up Mom, took her for a little drive and then home. Mom opened her gifts quietly with Dad and me. And a little later our company arrived for a few games and dinner. Quite soon after dinner Mom got a little agitated, and Dad chose to take her back to the nursing home.
All in all we think it went well. Mom showed very little signs of stress, and Dad was thrilled to have her home, as were the rest of us.
We learned keeping it low-key really was the key.
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Do as much prep as possible in the days prior.
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Let other people help where they can.
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Keep it as quiet and uncomplicated as possible.
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Have favourite holiday music in the background (unless you have a musician present!).
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Timing. Less is more. An afternoon or morning is probably better than all day.
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And the most important (just my opinion) - keep everything simple, not overwhelming. (Sadly I have found out the hard way that too much of anything will overwhelm.)
One last thought:
Maybe you have decided not to bring your loved one home. As we know, some people can cope fairly well, but some do not. Maybe you have decided to visit him or her in their nursing home. And if that is the case, maybe consider not having everyone show up all at once. Spread the visiting out over several days with different friends and family. That will brighten lots of the holiday moments for them.
Well, I hope these thoughts on the holiddays will help some.
And I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season!
Blessings always,
Heather
October 13
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
While home for my visit with my parents this time, not only was it to celebrate Thanksgiving, but my Dad's 84th birthday.
So I decided to get a cake and celerate his birthday with his friends at his seniors group. They meet one afternoon a week to play cards and lawn bowling, and have afternoon tea.
Mom was a member of this group too until she went into the nursing home last September. So I decided to bring her along with me, but just for the afternoon tea part. I thought any more than that and it might get too confusing with so many people and lots going on.
It worked out just great! Mom was in a very happy mood. At one point, while she was sitiing with Dad and an old girlfriend of hers, I walked by with cake and gave her a big smile. Mom leaned into her friend and said (while she was still looking at me), "She is so pleased with herself!" I just about passed out, I was laughing so hard!!! That's my Mom, calling it like she sees it!
There are the moments I love! When I see Mom connecting to her old self...with her sarcastic sense of humor. I love it!
Special Note:
I hope that all of you still see glimpses of your friend or loved ones' old self. When I see them in Mom...well, that is one of the things I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving.
Blessings,
Heather
October 6
My mom's sister is turning 85 this month. So I decided to stop in Nova Scotia to see her on my way home to visit my parents (my "every 6 weeks for 2 weeks" visit!).
My Aunt also lives in a nursing home. She lost her husband to Alzheimer's several years ago. She moved into a nursing home because physically she found living on her own too difficult. But mentally she is sharp. Of course she has a little short-term memory trouble, but there are few who don't. We had a wonderful visit, albeit brief. But it was meaningful. I enjoyed seeing her so much.
My Aunt is my Mom's only sibling. They grew up in Nova Scotia. Mom moved away, first for university and then when she married my Dad. When I was growing up, Mom took my brother and I to Nova Scotia 2-3 times a year. We spent every summer there.
So it was wonderful to be back there this fall. The trees, with their fall colours, really put on a performance! And everywhere you looked there were pumpkins on display. Mom would have loved it!
My original purpose for stopping in Nova Scotia was to see my Aunt. But I was the one who received a special gift. I saw Nova Scotia the way Mom remembers "her Nova Scotia". It is so beautiful. I felt really connected to Mom.
What you don't know is Mom's great love of Nova Scotia. Whenever she sees something beautiful in nature, she always makes a comment about how great it is to be in Nova Scotia and Dad always has to tell her otherwise. If you bring up Nova Scotia, she almost always breaks into song. (Who knew there were so many songs with the words "Nova Scotia" in them!)
Special Note:
Think of something or somewhere your friend or family member with Alzheimer's held really dear to them and experience it for yourself but through their eyes.
Blessings,
Heather
September 29
My Mom is so sweet. Everyone says so. (The nurses tell Dad every day!)
I have always known that my Mom is sweet. But I guess I think of it more as kind. Kindness in her actions and speech. I guess everyone has their own way to describe sweetness.
Mom can't walk down the hall in her nursing home without reaching out and touching the arms or hands of other residents and asking how they are and if there is anything she can do for them.
Recently she has added "waving" to her friendly gestures. And by "waving", I mean very enthustically moving her (both) arms back and forth while saying, "Hellooooo there!" She does this walking down the hall, the sidewalk, in the park, in a shopping mall, while Dad is driving them somewhere in the car...any and everywhere!
Everyone always laughs and smiles broadly with her. Even complete strangers will tell her she is a real sweetheart. Dad (just slightly embarassed) will tell her that they don't know that person or those people. But Mom just smiles and says, "That's okay!"
And it is okay. Mom doesn't know who she is supposed to know or not know most of the time (with the small exception of Dad, and sometimes my brother and me). But I think Mom's sweet (and kind), and her gestures brighten other peoples' days.
Special Note:
Be you own sweet self. My bet is it will brighten your friend, relative or loved one living with Alzheimer's disease.
Blessings,
Heather
September 22
I have not written in a while.
I have, however, been travelling East every six weeks for two weeks to visit Mom and Dad. But that's about all I have been doing.
I had a health scare of my own. So I'm afraid everything, other than Mom and Dad, was put on hold.
Fortunately all is well now. It was somewhat of a false alarm. However, I am very thankful for thorough doctors.
I do take good care of myself...or so I thought. I get plenty of exercise. I eat healthy. I sleep well, for the most part (just not enough...like most of us!). But stress, as we all know, can kind of sneak up on us and cause trouble. I am realizing that I need to place just as much importance on de-stressing as I do with exercise and diet.
Special Note:
Take time for yourself. Quiet time. Or fun time. It is important to relax and do things for ourselves too. After all, we are not much good to our loved ones if we are not well ourselves.
Blessings
Heather
May 11 - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!
It has been a year now that I have been writing these diary entries. May I say, "thank you!" What a privilege it has been for me to share my story with you.
As you probably know by now from reading these entries over the last year, I love and adore my mother. She is truly a remarkable woman and I am honoured to be her daughter.
In my second entry, May 14, 2007, I told you a little about my Mom's background. What I didn't mention at that time was that her two degrees are in Theology. As a result, bringing up her children with spiritual awareness and instilling in us strong Christian values was very important to her.
But what my Mother expressed to me to have the most importance in this life journey was to love. We are to love one another always.
Special Note:
On this Mother's Day, on behalf of my Mom and I, we wish you and all whom you love...love.
Blessings,
Heather
May 5
My trip home with my parents is coming to an end. The time that I spend with them at home goes by so quickly. I would like to share with you some of "my happy times" form this visit. I am calling them "my happy times" because I am amazed at how Mom seemed to really know me as her daughter with more consistency this time than she has in a long time.
On my first day home, I went up to the nursing home to see Mom by myself. She was walking down the hall away from me. I called out to her and she stopped and turned to face me. As I approached her, I asked if she knew who I was. She put her hand on her hip and said, "Well of course I do, you're Miss Heather!" I walked up to her and she hugged me, saying, "I can't believe it! You're here! My sweetheart!" What a way to start my trip!!!
As you may remember, when I'm home I always have lunch with Mom and Dad at the nursing home. Mom loves the social aspect of dining and so do I. Almost every day after lunch when we walk back to her unit, she will turn to Dad and say, "Where's our little girl?" And I will reply, "I'm right behind you Mom, bringing up the rear." She always turns to look at me and then laughs.
Every few days, Dad and I would take Mom for a drive. (Dad takes her out all the time now that the snow is gone. She loooooves to go for a drive!) We would drive out to our little cottage just to check on it because it has been closed all winter. Mom loves the cottage. She loves to be out in the country, in the fresh air by the sea. After a brief visit there, because it is still quite cool, we would stop at a Tim Hortons for tea and an "old-fashioned glazed!". She would always tell us about how her Mother would make barrels of doughnuts for the men working at her husband's maple woods' camp during the run off in the spring of the year. One time while I was getting the tea and doughnuts, Mom looked at Dad and said, "I'm so excited. And I just don't want it to end!"
Special Note:
I know I mentioned this before, but I am always glad that our presence and doing even the simplest things seems to make Mom so happy. Make time to do the simple things. It can mean a lot.
Blessings,
Heather
April 28
Monday morning when we arrived at the nursing home we were faced with a shocking sight. Mom was limping around and she had a black eye and a bruised chin. It was explained to us a bit later that one of the residents got up in the middle of the night and, in his confused and disoriented state, went in to Mom's room. Thinking Mom was an intruder, he punched her twice and pushed her out of bed. With all his yelling and Mom's screaming the nurses came running.
We spent the afternoon with Mom at the hospital getting checked over and x-rayed. It was determined that her pelvis was not fractured, thankfully, but that it was strained and quite bruised.
Even though we know this resident and we know he would never intentionally hurt anyone, we are still very upset. It is a delicate situation. I have mentioned this resident before in my diary entries. He has become a good friend of Mom's. He really is a lovely gentleman. And both Dad and I quite liked him. His wife explained to me once during a visit that he is drawn to Mom because he believes that Mom is his older sister. (She passed away a number of years ago.) Apparently (if I have the story right) his mother passed away when he was a little boy and it was his oldest sister who cared for him. So you can understand the predicament.
The nurses on the unit have moved him to another room. They now have an alarm on his bed. If he gets up in the middle of the night they will know...hopefully.
Still, we are feeling conflicting emotions. To our knowledge, Mom has never experienced anything like this before. The thought of how terrifying this ordeal must have been for her makes us very angry. The saving grace in all of this is that she has absolutely no memory of it at all.
Special Note:
During this journey with Alzheimer's disease, we will all be called on to have patience and understanding in situations we would never have thought possible. But it will be essential.
Blessings,
Heather
April 21
Here is a summary of what Mom and Dad have been through since my last visit only six weeks ago. (This is why I often feel so helpless.)
Mom has had her cast (for her broken wrist) replaced another three times. This can be difficult for Dad too, getting her to and from the hospital. Thankfully, a nurse from her nursing home accompanies them. Her cast comes off permanently tomorrow - April 22.
Dad's recovery from his surgery has slowed down. So it is taking a bit more out of him. He also had the flu and couldn't visit Mom for two weeks. He visited her one day at the end of the two weeks, and then Mom and some of her fellow residents also came down with the flu. So, just as Dad was getting over the flu, the nursing home was put under quarantine for almost three weeks. This resulted with them not being able to see each other, with the exception of one day, for almost five weeks.
Add to this more snow and cold weather, and you have two very unhappy people.
Then Mom had another fall and fractured her tailbone. Anyone who has had this happen to them has told me that it is very painful.
I know it is time for me to put aside my feelings of helplessness and focus on being there for my two wonderful parents, who rarely complain.
Special Note:
Pray. A lot.
Blessings,
Heather
April 1 - April 14
I have not written in a while because I have needed to take some time to think about my Mom, Dad, my husband and me and our situation. I have a friend and therapist that I have been seeing off and on over the years. Her help has been immeasurable. In fact, I don't know what I would do without her. She has helped me to look at the situation in different ways, to let go of some things and to be more understanding of others.
The bottom line is that while there are many things that I am grateful for, there are also other things that make me feel helpless. And since I am the one who is supposed to be holding it all together...well, let's start with what I am thankful for.
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The nursing home staff, at every level, are wonderful. They are king, caring and thoughtful.
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Mom is happy and content. There are lots of activities and friendly residents.
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Dad is very welcome to visit her daily. He has his noon meal at the nursing home with Mom, which is great because now I don't worry about him getting proper nourishment.
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Dad's health is good. He is able to stay in his own home which makes him very happy. He still drives, so he has his independence in that way. He belongs to several organizations that he is still very active in. And he has many friends that still include him in dinners, etc.
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I am grateful, too, that I have such an understanding husband. I go "home" so often, and I know it is hard on us, but I feel that it is important for me to do. Thankfully, he understands this.
But even with all that I am thankful for, I still get frustrated. And then, of course, I feel guilty because I know I have so much to be thankful for...and round and round it goes. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Special Note:
What my therapist and friend has given me is the opportunity to get off my chest all of my mixed emotions regarding our situation. It is important for all of us to do this. Talk about what you are going through with someone you trust and who understands you. I am slowly learning...we can't do it alone.
Blessings
Heather
March 30
The following are new diary entries. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update my diary. I have been making notes in my "real" diary, but for reasons that you will read about, I have not been feeling quite ready to write. I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed these days. But I hope that as I work through my feelings, the diary entries may be of some help or inspiration to you.
Blessings,
Heather
March 24
I am back from my week away with my wonderful husband. And while I am still feeling somewhat overwhelmed and worried about Mom and Dad, I am feeling better (we are both feeling better). My husband works a lot of long hours, and while he loves his job, the week away was much needed by him too (probably even more than for me!). It was fabulous to have some time away together. I am feeling completely re-connected with him and sadly had not felt that way for a while.
During our trip away we met several families that really inspired us, and one in particular. We met a Mother and her son, a gifted musician. He can play with proficiency many instruments, but guitar is his favourite. So his Mother arranged a trip for them and the rest of the family to New York City after seeing a program on television telling the story of Les Paul. He is the inventor of, among other things, the electric guitar. In the program it was mentioned that Les Paul is 92 years old and still plays his favourite jazz at a club in midtown Manhattan every Monday night. She organized two tickets for the show as a gift for her son. We were fortunate enough to be attending as well and to be seated next to them for the dinner and the first show. When she told me their story I was so inspired. What wonderful memories they will both have of this mother and son time together.
Special Note:
What are we all doing to be making wonderful memories for one generation to the next?
Blessings,
Heather
March 17
I am back in Calgary now. Mom is adjusting the best she can to the cast on her arm. She did have to have it replaced once because of the swelling but that seems to have settled down now. She saw the specialist this week and he gave her a good report. Dad is doing well in his recovery too. He still has a bit of discomfort, but that is to be expected.
I have been feeling a bit blue. To compound this, I am feeling disconnected from my husband who I have not seen for quite a while. The sweetheart that he is, he has planned a week's holiday for us. So I am hoping that a change of scenery and some time off with him will do the trick.
Special Note:
Caregivers, including the long-distance ones, can become overwhelmed and even a bit depressed. We all need a break and some time for ourselves. Try not to feel guilty about taking what you need too.
Blessings,
Heather
March 10
I am going back to Calgary in a few days. Dad is coming along nicely. And his doctor is quite pleased with how the recovery is going. Mom has been feeling much better and as a result is eating more. Which in both cases relieves my mind somewhat about leaving after 3 1/2 weeks at home. That was, until last night.
Dad and I brought Mom home to their house for what was to be a lovely Sunday afternoon. We had a fire in the fireplace, tea and fresh baked scones with jam and cream. And we were having a nice visit, when Mom started to get very agitated. She kept asking to go "home", so we got her ready and Dad took her home. He stayed with her until he felt that she had settled down. But about half an hour after he got back home we received a call that Mom had had a fall and we should meet them at the hospital as soon as possible.
Mom had broken her wrist. And when she tried to move it, she experienced a lot of pain. That prompted a "Oh my goodness my arm really hurts. What is wrong with it?" every time she moved her arm. I gave the same explanation back every time, "Mom, you fell and broke your wrist. I know it is very painful, so you must keep it still."
After about an hour, the nurse who accompanied Mom from the nursing home left to go back. Dad and I stayed with Mom while they x-rayed, set her wrist and then x-rayed again.
We arrived back at the nursing home in the wee hours of the morning. And that was a whole other story. Mom was really tired and in a lot of pain, so when the nurses were trying to get her undressed and ready for bed, she got very upset and angry. I had to go in. I stood in front of Mom, took her hands in mine and asked her to look at me. I spoke as gently and warmly as I could, but was firm. "Mom, please try to relax. You broke your arm and you are in a lot of pain. Please let me help you get ready for bed because you are so tired." In between sentences, I reminded her to please look at me. And I asked her permission to help. She calmed down and let me help her. I used the same approach to give her the meds. Every time that she agreed with me or allowed me to assist her, I thanked her. Soon, Mom was in bed and I stayed until she had fallen asleep.
On my way out, I stopped at the nurses' station where they thanked me for my help. They were glad that I was there since I was her daughter and that seemed to help. But I don't really think that Mom responded to me because I was her daughter or even someone that she recognized. Rather, I believe that it was because of the approach that I took with her. The approach was calm, less confusing. It was considerate and thoughtful, not removed or distant. And it was respectful, not intrusive. Plus, I looked her in the eye and made it personal.
Special Note:
I learned a lot in this experience. And while I hope we do not have to relive it, I now have some awareness that I didn't have before. I hope it will help me on a daily basis. Not just with Mom, but with other Alzheimer persons. I guess learning opportunities come in all "kinds"!!!
Blessings,
Heather
March 3
Update on Dad...
I have spent the last two diary entries just writing about Mom and the latest with regard to her situation. But the real reason for my visit home this time was to be there for Dad while he underwent surgery.
This is the first surgery that Dad has ever had. And while it was only minor surgery, it still took 90 minutes and was more involved that Dad thought it was going to be. It amazes me that Dad is almost 84, was active in WW2 and this is his first surgery!
Anyway, he is doing great!!! He keeps thanking me for coming home to be with him, and is glad that I insisted on doing so.
My Dad is a very pleasant and polite person. He is gentle by nature, but is a strong, good man. He is constantly aware of other people and any needs they may have. He is always doing what he can to help others. This is a real passion for him. So, needless to say, he was a wonderful person to care for.
I have friends who have commented in recent years how they too have looked up to my Dad with admiration. Often when they have been in a situation of concern or have a delicate problem to solve, I am told they have looked to my Dad for the solution or resolution. This, among other reasons, is why I am proud to have the Dad that I have.
Just last year, a lady at our church told me that her late husband always said to her that my Dad is "the most decent, kind and caring gentleman that he has ever known".
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to write about my Dad. Maybe it allows you to see the man I have the privilege of witnessing as the loving and devoted husband that he is to my Mom.
Special Note:
What person(s) are you grateful for, for the examples they have "lived" in your life?
Blessings,
Heather
February 25
It has been a week now that Mom has been on antibiotics and she is doing much better. I go to the nursing home every day with Dad to visit her and to encourage her to ear her gorgeous lunch that the amazing kitchen staff prepare. (At noon, the kitchen serves the main meal of the day. And those meals are fantastic!)
Fortunately, I have been having quite a bit of luck getting Mom to eat. She can feed herself, but when I ask her if she would like for me to feed her, I always get an enthusiastic "yes"! I think it is because she likes that we are looking at each other, eye to eye. We are talking and laughing, and we are sharing time together like we don't have a care in the world. We are connecting. The whole process takes about 50 minutes or so. I enjoy every moment of it and I believe Mom does too.
I have met with the head nurse from Mom's unit on several occasions. She and the rest of the nurses have been quite concerned about Mom too, but believe that she is doing much better now. The antibiotics are definitely doing the trick! We are all feeling encouraged.
Special Note:
I learned this week to take my time with Mom. It was important to have time to really connect with her. I can feel and see a difference. I hope if you do this it will work for you too!
Blessings,
Heather
February 18
I arrived home this week to have a visit with my parents and to be with Dad as he undergoes some surgery.
I was shocked to see Mom this time. She has lost a lot of weight. She was 116 lbs. when she went into the nursing home in September past. And although I noticed before that she had been losing some weight, she has lost quite a bit more since I saw her at Christmas. She is now under 100 lbs. I am very concerned to say the least.
Dad said that about a month ago, he started having a hard time getting Mom to eat anything. If she ate about half her noon meal, that was considered good. And this past week, she refused to eat any breakfast or supper. Also, she has been quite upset in the mornings when the nurses have been attempting to get her washed and dressed. So much so that they have had to give her Ativan to calm her down. Which makes her so groggy that I'm sure it contributes to her lack of appetite. (It has been noted that Mom has had a temperature. On the resident doctor's recent visit, he prescribed antibiotics.)
I am so worried about Mom and Dad. And while I understand that Dad didn't want to worry me about these recent developments, I can't help but wonder how stressed he must be feeling. He tells me that my daily phone calls of encouragement have always helped, but these days more than ever. I guess for a while now I have been feeling like things are under control, like I have "everything figured out". So I am feeling a bit blind-sided!
Special Note:
Even when we feel that things are going somewhat side-ways...hang in there! Have faith in your ability to put a plan in place that will work. There will always be unforeseen occurrences that we will have little to no control over. But being there for each other really helps to get through it.
Blessings,
Heather
February 4
I have a little story to share with you about a visit I had with my Mom while I was home at Christmas time.
On the Saturday before Christmas, while my Dad was out delivering hampers for our church, I went up to Mom's nursing home to have lunch with her and a visit. (As you may recall, Mom doesn't eat very much without Dad being with her at mealtimes. So I went in his place.)
We had a lovely time! During the lunch we made some light conversation but with some contented silence. At one point Mom said, "Do you know Jim?" To which I replied, "Do you mean Dad?" Mom replied, "Yes, I guess so." I said, "Yes, I know him." And Mom responded, "You know, he's a treasure!" I said, "Yes, he definitely is!"
Special Note:
To me this was a very special moment. I believe there are still lots of those moments to discover and share. I hope you will experience lots of these moments too.
Blessings,
Heather
January 28
This past weekend I attended the Calgary Alzheimer Society Community Information forum. I was thrilled to see so many people in attendance to gain knowledge and information to help themselves and their loved ones.
The presentation is always so well put together and presented. It is followed by a panel of professionals who are there to answer any questions and give advice with regards to concerns that people might have.
For any of you who missed it, I would advise you to contact the Calgary office directly to speak to Melanie or Mare should you have any questions or concerns of your own.
It was my contact with the Society that helped my family and I. Which was especially vital in the early years of my Mom's diagnosis when we knew nothing.
Special Note:
Even if you are coping fairly well with your given situation, the support that you can receive from the Calgary Alzheimer Society will make all the difference. I know. They are there to help you and they want to.
Blessings,
Heather
January 21
My Mom is quite engaging. She enjoys visiting, listening to and telling stories.
A short time ago my Dad expressed his feelings at a meeting with the resident social worker that, in his observation, Mom was quite a bit more communicative than most of the other residents in her unit. The social worker agreed and mentioned that there was another unit in the building that might be better suited to Mom. she would put Mom's name on a waiting list for a space in that unit.
Some time later, a room became available and Mom moved to that unit. It was a disaster! Although Mom was now with a group that she could communicate better with, she no longer recognized and faces and the environment was strange to her. As a result she started acting out in ways that were very uncharacteristic of her. Within 72 hours she was moved back to her old unit. And roughly a day later she was back to her old self.
Oddly, even a person with Alzheimer's, who we believe cannot remember one moment to the next, can become quite familiar and attached to their environment and the people they see on a daily basis.
Special Note:
We shouldn't underestimate the power of memory (or the brain). Just when we think we might have figured some things out...we are proven wrong.
Blessings,
Heather
January 14
I was recently told about an episode at the nursing home in which my Mom gave everyone a big surprise.
It was just before bedtime, and all of the nurses were busy giving out medications and helping residents get ready for bed.
Mom appeared to be asleep in a chair next to the nurses' station, so the nurses decided to save taking her for last. Then all of a sudden Mom was up and out of her chair. She ran down the hall to the fire alarm box. She pulled the protective cover off the alarm box and pulled the alarm.
Everyone was in a panic as you might well imagine. Shortly after this, the fire trucks arrived. Oh dear! Thankfully no harm was done.
The next day when Dad went up to see Mom, the nurses filled him in on all of the happenings. Mom listened in while the nurses and Dad had their conversation. Whey they finished, Dad looked at Mom and said, "You mustn't do that again!" "Do what?", Mom replied. "Pull the fire alarm!", my Dad said. To which Mom said, "Oh, that's different!" Thankfully everyone laughed.
While what Mom did was very serious and it caused a huge disruption, I am grateful that in the aftermath some laughter was experienced.
Special Note:
It is important to try to find the humor.
Blessings,
Heather
January 7
In early January, at the nursing home where my Mom now lives, they had a New Year's party. It was complete with refreshments, entertainment and dancing.
My Dad arrived at 6:45 p.m. as he was told the festivities would get underway at 7:00 p.m. To Dad's astonishment, Mom was already on the dance floor with another gentleman, a resident named George. (I met George when I was home at Christmas and he is a very nice man. He enjoys walking, talking and playing the guitar. The latter he does very well.) Dad was not prepared for this. So he told me, "I had to cut in." Thankfully for Dad, Mom was really happy to see him, and they had a lovely evening together. I have not seen the new movie "Away From Her", but I understand from people who have seen it that a sort of "triangle" develops between the woman, her fellow resident (both of whom have Alzheimer's disease) and the woman's husband.
I am feeling badly for Dad. As if he doesn't have enough worries, he is now really concerned that Mom will soon be forgetting him. With the stormy part of their winter arriving early this year, he has not been able to get out to see Mom every day. And of course he is feeling terribly about that. I call daily and try to sound as upbeat as possible. I remind him that thankfully Mom went into the nursing home in September so that she would be better adjusted there for when he would be absent because of storms and other unforeseen events. He always thanks me for trying to cheer him up and says he appreciates my support.
Special Note:
I know I have said this before, but it definitely bears repeating. Do what you can to support the loved ones of an Alzheimer's person, especially a spouse. Some encouraging words may help.
Blessings,
Heather
January 1
Happy New Year everyone!!!
Do you make New Year's resolutions? You know, the ones we make that we inevitably end up breaking? The ones that after we break them we end up feeling like losers because it's barely mid-month! (Kuddos to you if you make it to the end of January!)
Well, when I turned forty I decided to give that up. But here I am five years later thinking that it's the beginning of a new year and maybe I can make a change in my life that will be really good for me. (But for the record, it's not a "New Year's resolution"! It's just a coincidence!)
I have decided to seriously take up meditation. Yes, I have done some over the years at the end of Yoga classes. But this time I really want to make it part of my daily routine. I want to discover all of the benefits of meditation.
My reason is: I have learned recently from a very special friend that "an attentive mind remembers, and a distracted mind forgets". (I am only too familiar with the "distracted mind" with millions of things racing thorough my head.) Having said this, I have experienced when I do things in a calm, clear manner, more things get done and more efficiently.
So I believe that meditation will help to quiet my mind in order to be more attentive to what is important and what may be needed from me. For Mom and Dad and their situation, for my husband, for my mother-in-law, for my brother and his family, for my dear friends and for myself. I'm hoping to be a happier and more efficient me!
Special Note:
Don't feel guilty about taking some quiet reflective time for yourself. I think we will all be better persons for ourselves and our loved ones if we do. (Don't worry - I'm working on the guilt thing too!)
Blessings
Heather